Understanding Trauma: Breaking Down Common Misconceptions

Trauma is a deeply personal experience, yet many misunderstandings exist about what it is, how it affects us, and what healing really looks like. These misconceptions often prevent people from fully understanding their own trauma, seeking the right support, or offering meaningful help to others. As a trauma-informed coach specializing in post-traumatic growth, I see first-hand how misinformation can make healing even harder.

Let’s explore some of the most common misconceptions about trauma, break them down, and look at how we can approach healing in a more compassionate and effective way.

Misconception #1: Trauma Is About the Event Itself

Many people believe trauma is caused by the event itself—whether it’s an accident, abuse, a toxic relationship, or a major loss. In reality, trauma isn’t just about what happened; it’s about how our nervous system responds to it.

The same event can affect two people in completely different ways. One person might experience deep distress, while another might process and move on more easily. Trauma occurs when an event overwhelms a person’s ability to cope, making them feel unsafe, powerless, or emotionally stuck.

Example:

Imagine two people experiencing the same toxic relationship. One might leave the relationship, heal, and move forward. The other might struggle with emotional flashbacks, self-doubt, and deep anxiety in future relationships. The difference isn’t in the event itself but in how their nervous system processed the experience.

Truth:

Healing starts when we shift our focus from what happened to how our body and mind are still holding onto the experience. Trauma isn’t just stored in the mind—it lingers in emotional patterns, thought loops, and even physical sensations.

Misconception #2: Everyone Experiences Trauma the Same Way

A common belief is that if an event is traumatic for one person, it will be traumatic for everyone. But the truth is, trauma is deeply subjective.

Some people experience intense emotional symptoms—panic attacks, anxiety, or hypervigilance. Others may shut down, disconnect from themselves, or struggle with shame and self-worth. Some may not even realize they’ve experienced trauma until years later when triggers start surfacing.

Example:

Someone who grew up in a household where emotions weren’t acknowledged may struggle with co-dependency, people-pleasing, and an inability to set boundaries. Even if they weren’t physically harmed, their nervous system learned that speaking up wasn’t safe—a trauma response rooted in emotional neglect.

Truth:

Trauma is not just about life-threatening events. Emotional neglect, chronic invalidation, gaslighting, and narcissistic abuse can all create trauma responses in the body. Your experience is valid, even if others don’t understand it.

Misconception #3: Talking About Trauma Is Enough to Heal

Many people assume that simply talking about their trauma will help them heal. While verbalizing our experiences can be powerful, it’s not always enough—especially if the body and nervous system are still stuck in survival mode.

Trauma affects the whole person—not just the mind. If we’re caught in a cycle of hypervigilance (anxiety, overthinking, fear) or shutdown (depression, numbness, avoidance), talking alone won’t automatically resolve those patterns.

Example:

A survivor of narcissistic abuse may intellectually understand they were manipulated and mistreated, but their body may still react with fear, self-doubt, or guilt in new relationships. No matter how much they “talk it out,” their nervous system hasn’t yet learned that they’re safe.

Truth:

Healing trauma often requires a holistic approach, including emotional awareness, mindset shifts, and self-care practices that help rebuild a sense of safety and empowerment. While I am not a somatic practitioner, I encourage clients to explore nervous system regulation techniques alongside mindset and emotional healing work. Trauma isn’t just a story we tell ourselves—it’s a lived experience that requires both awareness and action.

How to Start Healing from Trauma

If you’ve experienced trauma—whether from a toxic relationship, childhood neglect, gaslighting, or a major life change—it’s important to approach healing with compassion and patience. Here are some steps to start your healing journey:

✔️ Acknowledge that your experience is valid. Trauma is personal, and no one else gets to define your healing journey.

✔️ Identify your trauma response patterns. Do you tend to fight (anger, control), flee (avoidance, overworking), freeze (shut down, numbness), or fawn (people-pleasing, seeking approval)? Recognizing your patterns helps you understand your reactions.

✔️ Practice emotional regulation techniques. Grounding exercises, journaling, self-reflection, and mindfulness can help bring awareness to automatic responses and shift them over time.

✔️ Set boundaries with people who minimize your experience. Not everyone will understand your healing journey, and that’s okay. Your job is to protect your peace.

✔️ Seek trauma-informed support. Working with a trauma-informed coach or therapist can provide guidance, validation, and practical tools for healing.

Final Thoughts

Healing from trauma isn’t about “getting over it” or just thinking positively—it’s about reconnecting with yourself, understanding your patterns, and finding the tools that help you feel safe, empowered, and free from the past.

As a trauma-informed coach, I feel deeply honoured to walk alongside others on their healing journey. I know how overwhelming it can feel to face your pain, to question your experiences, and to wonder if things will ever feel different. But I also know that healing is possible—not by erasing the past, but by learning how to support yourself in a way that helps you move forward.

You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to stay stuck in the same cycles. With the right guidance, tools, and self-compassion, you can reclaim your power and create a life where you feel safe, strong, and whole again.

If you’re ready to take the first step, I offer free 1-hour coaching sessions to help you start your healing journey. Visit www.risewitheva.com to book a session and discover how you can begin moving forward today.

You are not broken. You are healing. And I am here to support you.